Kill Me. Kill Me Now.

This lady that just came in is a Hot. Mess.

First of all, she is hobbling in here in crutches with a whole laptop bag and this huge brace on her left knee. I had to run around and help her even get in the front door, cause it's so heavy. She compliments my shoes (the peep-toe booties with the zippers and stuff on them that I bought for V-day) and then she tells me she's here to see a guy in our office, but she pronounces the name wrong. I could probably forgive that on any other occasion, people butcher the shiz out of people's names all the time, but I've seen this woman before. She came in sans appointment (and knee brace) a couple of weeks ago trying to "get a moment" with Tod*. And then she goes into this whole story about how she's supposed to have had the meeting at "10:15, well, 10:30" but then she got a late start (probs her gimpy leg) and went on and on about how tried Tod's cell multiple times, and "he just wouldn't answer!" As if all he does all day is field calls from people--this dude isn't even a VP and he's running like 3 or 4 departments right now.
So I'm like "Ok, ma'am, hold on" so I can call Tod's extension, and then possibly his assistant. And OF COURSE she's one of those over-the-counter peerers, trying to watch everything I'm bloody doing, talking to me WHILE I'M MAKING THE PHONE CALL about how he wasn't answering his cell phone, so maybe I should call someone who sits next to him.
For one, Lady, I'm on the f*cking phone. Back up for like 30 seconds. Second, I have no idea where Tod's office is in these two ginormous buildings, let alone who sits next to him, for Chrissake. Third, Tod is not some cubicle-bound moron, he's the Director of Operations on top of at least two other departments that he's managing temporarily while we look for someone to replace the former directors.
And this whole time she's bloody peering, which makes me absolutely INSANE. When Tod's extension went to voice mail--like it almost ALWAYS does--she comments AGAIN about how he wasn't answering his cell phone, blah blah blah. I keep my homicidal** urges to myself long enough to get on the phone with his assistant, who--praise Jesus--answers in the 2nd ring and says she'll go track him down.

Then, we wait.

Probably 10 minutes pass til the assistant comes out to tell this lady they'll have to reschedule again. They chit-chatted about knee injuries (and gag-me-with-a-spoon,I'm-only-halfway-through-my-ep-of-Marriage-Ref,will-you-please-move-it-along?). And wouldn't you know it? This lady is STILL sitting here on her laptop after the assistant has left, and THEN--sweet merciful heaven, give me strength--she ask to see our accounts payable manager "if he has a moment" (I'm really learning to DESPISE that phrase.) He's been out all week, so I don't actually have to do anything, but its that look on her face like "aw shucks". Makes me want to kick a puppy or something. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

This is mostly copy-pasted from an email to a fellow Receptionist, not 30 seconds after sending it, I had to send the following:

OMG SHE JUST ASKED FOR THE ASSISTANT AGAIN WTFF JUST LEAVE LADY I'M SICK OF YOU

"I swear this leg thing has affected my brain! Haha Or at least its a good excuse, right? hahaha"

AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


I hope your Fridays are going well. Boooooooo...

*Name changed, because, lets face it, I don't wanna get fired.
**I tried to spell that "homocidal"...I love The Gays that much.