So I gave her a little taste of her own medicine. And I still caught the elevator. Karma, betches!!
I am filled with rage...
- Tiger Lily
- I am a 23-year-old and recent college graduate. I have a Bachelors degree in Womans Studies--which means grad school!! I'll go into the counseling/therapy field in some capacity, whether it be high school guidance, marriage and family therapy, or sex therapy.
Thursday, January 20
FYI: You suck at parking.
So I gave her a little taste of her own medicine. And I still caught the elevator. Karma, betches!!
Tuesday, January 18
An Interesting Correlation
I like that the sink suddenly stays full when all the attorneys are back in the office
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Friday, January 7
Wednesday, October 27
Really?
This is probably the fourth or fifth call I've gotten like this in the past couple days:
"I'm calling because I was away in NY and I live in NorCal and I got this letter that said they were going to call me and they haven't called me yet."
Are. You. Effing. Kidding me?
Tuesday, October 26
Tuesday, September 28
When In Rome
Dear Secretary From Another Firm Who Asks Me Questions About Specific Documents and Motions in a Specific Case,
For one, you called the MAIN OFFICE NUMBER; you have not reached a secretary, you have reached a receptionist. Don’t ask receptionists things like that, because your legal jargon might as well be Italian grammar lessons--meaning I understand “gelato”, "spaghetti" and “motion to…” but the rest of it is lots of hand gestures, tomato sauce and those 1,000-page documents with the numbers all down the left margin. It is way above my ($13-something/hr) pay grade. Please HOLD ON while I transfer someone who gets paid 3 to 30 times what I do.
Thanks so much.
The Raging Receptionist
Wednesday, September 15
I sorta feel bad... [from a while back]
…but I sorta don’t.
Guy from one of our cases at trial just called me for the 2nd time today. The first time he called (only an hour and a half ago) I give him the cell phone number that is the contact number for those clients. Now he is calling back because he hasn’t heard from them. (What’s fucking new, right?)
Really? It’s been less than 2 hours. Did it ever cross your mind, sir, that they are IN COURT, RIGHT NOW, ALL DAY? Did it ever occur to you, sir, that we are still within normal business hours and that it would be safe to assume that they are BUSY? (P.S. that is the root word of “business”, as in “We are BUSY during BUSINESS hours.”)
I gently suggested some of these possibilities (“Well, sir, I would assume that they are in court right now, and they will return your call when they check the voice messages from the phone”). And what do you think was his response? (Don’t worry, here comes the FUN part.)
“Well I just figured that only the attorneys would be in court. I figured that the ladies would be able to answer the phone. You know, I figured the ladies wouldn’t be in trial.”
Please note the italicization. It took EVERY. CELL. IN MY BODY. To keep from losing my brain at him. Maybe most people don’t see that as sexist, because, truly, the 2 attorneys are men, and the 2 paralegals are, in fact, “ladies”. But JUST because they are LADIES doesn’t mean that you should simply refer to them as “ladies” (ESPECIALLY if you are going to refer to the men as “attorneys”, not “the men”). Also, consider the fact that he assumes that just because these women are not attorneys, that they will (a) not be in court and (b) will be there to answer his phone calls a.k.a. cater to him.
He then proceeds to complain to me (the freakin receptionist) about how he is facing disciplinary action at work because he’s already taken time off for the deposition, and now he knows he has to take time off for the trial itself, but because he can’t give his job advanced notice, they are getting pissy.
I feel bad about his job, I truly do, this economy sucks and that’s not a fun situation. But on the same token, you are continuing to berate someone (ME) who has ALREADY TOLD YOU what you can do to solve this matter, and that she herself cannot help you, nor can anyone else currently in the office. You need to CALL THE OTHER NUMBER and LEAVE A BLOODY MESSAGE.
Guy from one of our cases at trial just called me for the 2nd time today. The first time he called (only an hour and a half ago) I give him the cell phone number that is the contact number for those clients. Now he is calling back because he hasn’t heard from them. (What’s fucking new, right?)
Really? It’s been less than 2 hours. Did it ever cross your mind, sir, that they are IN COURT, RIGHT NOW, ALL DAY? Did it ever occur to you, sir, that we are still within normal business hours and that it would be safe to assume that they are BUSY? (P.S. that is the root word of “business”, as in “We are BUSY during BUSINESS hours.”)
I gently suggested some of these possibilities (“Well, sir, I would assume that they are in court right now, and they will return your call when they check the voice messages from the phone”). And what do you think was his response? (Don’t worry, here comes the FUN part.)
“Well I just figured that only the attorneys would be in court. I figured that the ladies would be able to answer the phone. You know, I figured the ladies wouldn’t be in trial.”
Please note the italicization. It took EVERY. CELL. IN MY BODY. To keep from losing my brain at him. Maybe most people don’t see that as sexist, because, truly, the 2 attorneys are men, and the 2 paralegals are, in fact, “ladies”. But JUST because they are LADIES doesn’t mean that you should simply refer to them as “ladies” (ESPECIALLY if you are going to refer to the men as “attorneys”, not “the men”). Also, consider the fact that he assumes that just because these women are not attorneys, that they will (a) not be in court and (b) will be there to answer his phone calls a.k.a. cater to him.
He then proceeds to complain to me (the freakin receptionist) about how he is facing disciplinary action at work because he’s already taken time off for the deposition, and now he knows he has to take time off for the trial itself, but because he can’t give his job advanced notice, they are getting pissy.
I feel bad about his job, I truly do, this economy sucks and that’s not a fun situation. But on the same token, you are continuing to berate someone (ME) who has ALREADY TOLD YOU what you can do to solve this matter, and that she herself cannot help you, nor can anyone else currently in the office. You need to CALL THE OTHER NUMBER and LEAVE A BLOODY MESSAGE.
All work and no play makes TigerLily a dull girl. [from late July]
Oh my goodness, I just HAD to take a little break at my new job to write an update; I think my head was about ready to spin off!
For those that are unaware, I recently left that old shitty job I was at and have gotten a new and wonderfully busy job. Fear not! I am still a receptionist and I think I will have even better stories here than I did at my last office. I now work for a law firm, and the particular type of law they practice is the perfect setting for The Raging Receptionist: they represent mobile home park tenants in failure-to-maintain suits against the park owners. (This is the main portion of the practice. We also work on some eminent domain cases and things of that nature.) This is only my sixth day and I've already had more hilariously cranky and entertainingly bizarre callers than I had in a few months at Boring Old Job (where the most exciting caller I had was a woman who had the wrong number complaining about her spoiled can of tuna fish. On a Friday in Lent. Go figure).
Prime Example: M&M's Guy
When you work for a law firm that advertises in the Yellow Pages, you're bound to get more than a few crazies. I would hope that our firm advertises our more specific area of practice, but The Average Stupid American is still apt to simply flip to the "Lawyers" section, lick the Cheeto/Dorito goop off their finger, and point at a random listing.
Enter M&M's Guy.
Senor M&M's called looking for a lawyer, and in what seemed like one, long, unending breath, told me his story. (I wasn't even able to interject to put him on hold and answer other calls, let alone communicate to him that this was NOT our area of law.) He bought an eight pack of "Fun Size" M&M's, but when he opened the package, there were only five inside. Immediately I thought, Oh my gosh, THIS is what this guy is calling about? Are you serious? Why don't you just return it to the store? But wait, there's more. Without skipping a beat he goes on to tell me that he proceeded to eat all five packages (whether it was all in one sitting or not, the world may never know--but I would totally bet my life savings on it) and then he got "really ill". Now he wants to sue M&M's (well, actually he probably wants to sue Mars Inc. but he obviously isn't aware of candy company power hierarchies) and that's all fine and dandy, but that's not what we do here. I try to explain this to him, but he doesn't really listen to me, so I pass him off to one of the paralegal's voicemails. (I found out later that she listened to the voicemail, got really confused, and then immediately drafted up a rejection letter to send to him.)
Poor guy. I hope he learns his lesson.
For those that are unaware, I recently left that old shitty job I was at and have gotten a new and wonderfully busy job. Fear not! I am still a receptionist and I think I will have even better stories here than I did at my last office. I now work for a law firm, and the particular type of law they practice is the perfect setting for The Raging Receptionist: they represent mobile home park tenants in failure-to-maintain suits against the park owners. (This is the main portion of the practice. We also work on some eminent domain cases and things of that nature.) This is only my sixth day and I've already had more hilariously cranky and entertainingly bizarre callers than I had in a few months at Boring Old Job (where the most exciting caller I had was a woman who had the wrong number complaining about her spoiled can of tuna fish. On a Friday in Lent. Go figure).
Prime Example: M&M's Guy
When you work for a law firm that advertises in the Yellow Pages, you're bound to get more than a few crazies. I would hope that our firm advertises our more specific area of practice, but The Average Stupid American is still apt to simply flip to the "Lawyers" section, lick the Cheeto/Dorito goop off their finger, and point at a random listing.
Enter M&M's Guy.
Senor M&M's called looking for a lawyer, and in what seemed like one, long, unending breath, told me his story. (I wasn't even able to interject to put him on hold and answer other calls, let alone communicate to him that this was NOT our area of law.) He bought an eight pack of "Fun Size" M&M's, but when he opened the package, there were only five inside. Immediately I thought, Oh my gosh, THIS is what this guy is calling about? Are you serious? Why don't you just return it to the store? But wait, there's more. Without skipping a beat he goes on to tell me that he proceeded to eat all five packages (whether it was all in one sitting or not, the world may never know--but I would totally bet my life savings on it) and then he got "really ill". Now he wants to sue M&M's (well, actually he probably wants to sue Mars Inc. but he obviously isn't aware of candy company power hierarchies) and that's all fine and dandy, but that's not what we do here. I try to explain this to him, but he doesn't really listen to me, so I pass him off to one of the paralegal's voicemails. (I found out later that she listened to the voicemail, got really confused, and then immediately drafted up a rejection letter to send to him.)
Poor guy. I hope he learns his lesson.
Thursday, June 24
Guest Star: Pearl
Hey, hey, hey there boys and ghouls, I'm Pearl. Bestie of the Rager herself, 22, recently rescued from the frozen tundra that is semi-rural Colorado.
Basic background? How kind of you to ask!
*Navy brat, grew up here, there, everywhere. Even overseas for a bit.
*Married, divorced, married, divorced. (Navy, then Army. Maybe I'll find a nice Marine, Airman, Coastie, Reservist and Guardsman... Orrrr not.)
*I have a two year old little monster who is a diva and KNOWS it.
*Receptionist at a Law Firm
*Snark is my first language.
*Scifi ADDICT.
So, random sample of madness? This office is SPARTA, I'm telling you.
Invisible Lawyer was in today. She comes in once a week, sometimes, we go 2 weeks without seeing her. So she comes in today, looking like a cross between the fifties and Stevie Nicks. Cardigan and flowy bohemian skirt. What. The. HELL are you even wearing? I just want to leave her a little note on her desk.
Dear Invisible Lawyer,
The fifties died. Give Stevie Nicks her skirt back. And for the love of all that is good and holy woman, DROP THAT PERFUME BOTTLE! You smell like a walking hay fever attack. I'm worried that I may ACTUALLY sneeze my brains out every time you walk by me. Also, you made it through law school. Nobody buys the "I'm so helpless and confused" act. Young Russian Lawyer does it WAY better.
Thoroughly Annoyed & Searching For The Benadryl,
The Frickin Receptionist
Basic background? How kind of you to ask!
*Navy brat, grew up here, there, everywhere. Even overseas for a bit.
*Married, divorced, married, divorced. (Navy, then Army. Maybe I'll find a nice Marine, Airman, Coastie, Reservist and Guardsman... Orrrr not.)
*I have a two year old little monster who is a diva and KNOWS it.
*Receptionist at a Law Firm
*Snark is my first language.
*Scifi ADDICT.
So, random sample of madness? This office is SPARTA, I'm telling you.
Invisible Lawyer was in today. She comes in once a week, sometimes, we go 2 weeks without seeing her. So she comes in today, looking like a cross between the fifties and Stevie Nicks. Cardigan and flowy bohemian skirt. What. The. HELL are you even wearing? I just want to leave her a little note on her desk.
Dear Invisible Lawyer,
The fifties died. Give Stevie Nicks her skirt back. And for the love of all that is good and holy woman, DROP THAT PERFUME BOTTLE! You smell like a walking hay fever attack. I'm worried that I may ACTUALLY sneeze my brains out every time you walk by me. Also, you made it through law school. Nobody buys the "I'm so helpless and confused" act. Young Russian Lawyer does it WAY better.
Thoroughly Annoyed & Searching For The Benadryl,
The Frickin Receptionist
Guest Star: Kyle
We have our first guest blogger! Kyle and Pearl are too lazy to write their own blogs on a regular basis...and let's be honest, so am I...so I volunteered a couple guest spots for them. Enjoy!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The name is Kyle. And I am a File Clerk Extraordinaire! Many of you may be asking yourselves, what is a File Clerk (extraordinaire)? Is there a concentration on the FILE part, or the CLERK portion? I am here to tell you that I… literally have no idea. Here’s the deal, back in 2008, I was working in Satan’s armpit, better known as a “Customer Service Call Center” for a top 4 (and I say top 4 because it was fourth, but it sounds special, right?) insurance company. I wanted a new job, I answered a job posting on Craigslist.com, interviewed for the position and within a week from when I answered the ad, I started. On my first day on the job, I was given a desk, I filled out a bunch of papers, and I met a ton of people… I still had no idea 1.) What my job title was or what I’d be doing for the company and 2.) what the company even did.
As time went on and I found that I was their “file clerk” I just basically knew where everything was (including the files in the office) and did a bunch of lame work around the office all day. Being that it happened to be a Law Firm, that gave me “Law Experience” and now I am trapped in the Law World… it’s very unfulfilling
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The name is Kyle. And I am a File Clerk Extraordinaire! Many of you may be asking yourselves, what is a File Clerk (extraordinaire)? Is there a concentration on the FILE part, or the CLERK portion? I am here to tell you that I… literally have no idea. Here’s the deal, back in 2008, I was working in Satan’s armpit, better known as a “Customer Service Call Center” for a top 4 (and I say top 4 because it was fourth, but it sounds special, right?) insurance company. I wanted a new job, I answered a job posting on Craigslist.com, interviewed for the position and within a week from when I answered the ad, I started. On my first day on the job, I was given a desk, I filled out a bunch of papers, and I met a ton of people… I still had no idea 1.) What my job title was or what I’d be doing for the company and 2.) what the company even did.
As time went on and I found that I was their “file clerk” I just basically knew where everything was (including the files in the office) and did a bunch of lame work around the office all day. Being that it happened to be a Law Firm, that gave me “Law Experience” and now I am trapped in the Law World… it’s very unfulfilling
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