All work and no play makes TigerLily a dull girl. [from late July]

Oh my goodness, I just HAD to take a little break at my new job to write an update; I think my head was about ready to spin off!
For those that are unaware, I recently left that old shitty job I was at and have gotten a new and wonderfully busy job. Fear not! I am still a receptionist and I think I will have even better stories here than I did at my last office. I now work for a law firm, and the particular type of law they practice is the perfect setting for The Raging Receptionist: they represent mobile home park tenants in failure-to-maintain suits against the park owners. (This is the main portion of the practice. We also work on some eminent domain cases and things of that nature.) This is only my sixth day and I've already had more hilariously cranky and entertainingly bizarre callers than I had in a few months at Boring Old Job (where the most exciting caller I had was a woman who had the wrong number complaining about her spoiled can of tuna fish. On a Friday in Lent. Go figure).

Prime Example: M&M's Guy
When you work for a law firm that advertises in the Yellow Pages, you're bound to get more than a few crazies. I would hope that our firm advertises our more specific area of practice, but The Average Stupid American is still apt to simply flip to the "Lawyers" section, lick the Cheeto/Dorito goop off their finger, and point at a random listing.
Enter M&M's Guy.
Senor M&M's called looking for a lawyer, and in what seemed like one, long, unending breath, told me his story. (I wasn't even able to interject to put him on hold and answer other calls, let alone communicate to him that this was NOT our area of law.) He bought an eight pack of "Fun Size" M&M's, but when he opened the package, there were only five inside. Immediately I thought, Oh my gosh, THIS is what this guy is calling about? Are you serious? Why don't you just return it to the store? But wait, there's more. Without skipping a beat he goes on to tell me that he proceeded to eat all five packages (whether it was all in one sitting or not, the world may never know--but I would totally bet my life savings on it) and then he got "really ill". Now he wants to sue M&M's (well, actually he probably wants to sue Mars Inc. but he obviously isn't aware of candy company power hierarchies) and that's all fine and dandy, but that's not what we do here. I try to explain this to him, but he doesn't really listen to me, so I pass him off to one of the paralegal's voicemails. (I found out later that she listened to the voicemail, got really confused, and then immediately drafted up a rejection letter to send to him.)
Poor guy. I hope he learns his lesson.