Welcome to my Personal Hell.

Hi there. I'm a receptionist. How did I get here you ask? Shirley Chisholm has your answer: "The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says, 'It's a girl.'" Enter me, April 14, 1987, shortly before 3 A.M.

I was 19 when I got my first real, taxes-and-a-paycheck job--as a receptionist. I had just finished my first year of college, and my mom got me a part-time gig at a law firm. Yeah, last time I ever do that shit. Lawyers are douchebags. Sorry, Lawyers of the World, but accept your fate and move on. You are an essential part of the Justice System and all that, but I will never work for you again. Some people like to be treated like garbage or The Invisible Woman, so I will let them take care of your spoiled asses.

I spent three months practically chained to the front desk, frantically answering 50 calls a minute and transcibing voicemail messages from cranky old men in the pre-Bluetooth days (which means horrific static and wind noise as clients left our lawyers messages while they barrelled down the freeway on their way from one fancy meeting to the next...I am convinced that I was forced to transcribe these not for legal records, but simply because the lawyers were too good to translate them themselves). I was utterly confused by the fact that I could not leave the desk at any time, but I still had to take the mail to every single lawyer's office. I was scolded on multiple occasions for not answering the phone fast enough, always because there were one or two cranky clients ahead of the third call which happened to be the biggest prick partner I've ever had the horrible luck to meet.

I hated it so much that I took the entire summer off after my sophomore year. I didn't have money but I had my sanity. The feeling of psuedo-poverty was stronger than the dread of being a receptionist again, however, because I went to work with my sister at an architectural firm while the office manager was on maternity leave and my sister (the receptionist) moved into her position temporarily. Although working with my sister was total bullshit because we practically hate each other, this was definitely an improvement on the lawyer situation. Apparently, people are capable of working in an office and being nice at the same time. Wow!!! It's not perfect, but I'll get to that later.

My sister got pregnant in the early fall, so by the time I graduated, I had a nephew (who, although he was an accident, is still fucking adorable and totally awesome ;) and a temporary job at the same place I'd worked the previous summer. Considering this horrific economy, I had majorly scored and staved off unemployment at least for two and a half months. And although I was no longer working with my sister (hooray!), I was starting to get to the end of my rope with the job. Nothing a good rant or two can't fix.

Under pressure from my friends and a few of my coworkers, I have begun this blog as a way to publicly display my crazy rants...from commuting to conference calls.


Next post: License Plates and Less Is NOT More.